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The Gift of the Fall: Building Resilience in Our Children
The Gift of the Fall: Building Resilience in Our Children

Dear MPFS Parents,

As your school counselor, I know that it is profoundly difficult to watch your children struggle—whether they are learning a new skill, navigating a transition into a new class, or making new friends. Our natural instinct is to shield them and ensure they succeed in everything they do.

But what happens when they stumble? What happens when they experience failure?

What happens is this: they build resilience. 

Students who learn this skill with intentional support, gain the ability to bounce back when faced with difficult or challenging life experiences. The most authentic way to develop this vital trait is to face a setback, learn from it, and try again.

Think back to when your child was learning to walk. They didn’t simply take off running. They fell down, over and over. And we, their biggest cheerleaders, were right there. We cheered them on, encouraging them and reassuring them that they would get it if they kept trying. This level of supportive encouragement is just as essential now as they face bigger, more complex challenges.

The MPFS Differentiator: Cultivating Confidence and Coping Skills

During my time here, I've had the opportunity to watch your children in moments of triumph and moments of failure. From our youngest students who struggle with separation in Preschool to our oldest who grapple with the concepts of high school entrance and increased responsibility, each experience is a building block. These moments teach our children how to face challenges and embrace new adventures without knowing the outcome.

It is in these moments that we, as adults, must resist the urge to immediately solve the problem for them. Research shows that when children are consistently shielded from struggle, they miss out on developing critical social and emotional skills. Allowing them to face and overcome manageable challenges, even small disappointments, helps them develop coping skills, problem-solving abilities, and the essential self-confidence that comes from figuring things out on their own. The core message we send by allowing the struggle is: “You are capable of handling this.”

Resilience in Action: The Middle School Representatives (MSReps) Program

This year in Middle School, Teacher Tammy and I have launched a pilot program to evolve our previous leadership elective into the Middle School Representatives (MSReps) program.

The MSReps program is designed to create class voices—two representatives from each grade, grades 6-8. These students will provide input on events like games for their Bear Creek trip and activities for Winter Fun Day. Critically, MSReps will help bring the Friends Testimonies to our Lower School students through buddy activities and will be presenting a query during Meeting for Worship, offering a powerful opportunity to hone their leadership and public speaking skills.

This program has a distinct and intentional approach. To be chosen, students were asked to submit an essay, slideshow, video, or any creative expression of their interest. The classes were also given an anonymous survey opportunity to provide input on their preferred candidates. Teacher Tammy and I then reviewed all submissions and surveys.

However, this process was fundamentally designed to help build resilience in future years. By asking all interested students to put themselves forward, the structure implicitly prepares them for a time when not everyone may be chosen—a normal, yet essential, life lesson. We are helping them understand that disappointment is not a defeat. They learn that even if they are not selected, they can still have their voices heard, find other ways to contribute, and try again next year.

It is crucial that you, as parents, understand how important it is to allow your children to try and to experience the outcome—even if it’s not the one they wanted. By supporting them through their failures, you affirm that they are strong, confident, and resilient, and that persistent effort is the ultimate path to growth.

For additional information on the critical importance of resilience and practical strategies for parents, I encourage you to read the following resources:

 

Warmly,
 


Teacher Michele Hill
School Counselor